So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
