he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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