I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
