I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
