So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need a beard to bite.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
