What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
