Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
