I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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