I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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