My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize