My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
