I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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