I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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