laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
