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Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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