Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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