found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
