Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it because I queefed?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
