Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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