our cab driver is having phone sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
