I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
