yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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