you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
