found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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