So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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