morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
