im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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