hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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