Where is the hickey?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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