Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
