I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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