There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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