How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
