dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
