Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
