His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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