No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
