'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
