Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
