Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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