Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize