booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
