You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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