you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They took my balls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
