Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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