He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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