Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
