Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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