so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
