Is it because I queefed?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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