Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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