DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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