Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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