I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
