i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
