im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
