The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
