Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
