The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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