3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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