Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
