im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
