Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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