I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
