either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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