I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
