btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
