I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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