My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
