I just cut my nipple shaving
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
