So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
