he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
